Anyone Hiring a Stunt Dog?
Because I’ve got just the pup for the job!
No, seriously—my dog must think he’s auditioning for action movies every day. I don’t know when it started, but one moment he was a playful little puppy, and now he’s performing high-speed parkour in my living room, leaping off the couch like he’s chasing villains in a spy thriller.
It began with the jumps. He figured out how to launch himself from the armchair to the coffee table in one clean motion. I was horrified. He was proud. Now, nothing is off-limits—he scales furniture like a ninja and launches himself over baby gates like he’s clearing Olympic hurdles. If he had opposable thumbs, I’m convinced he’d do his own stunts and hold the camera.
Then there’s the dramatic rolls. He doesn’t just lay down. He throws himself to the ground like he’s been hit by an imaginary tranquilizer dart, rolls three times, and then sighs deeply like he’s emotionally exhausted from his latest mission. I swear, he practices this. He could out-act half the cast of any action movie.
Water scenes? He’s got those down too. Whether it’s diving into a lake, hopping into a puddle, or dramatically shaking water everywhere after a bath like he just survived a shipwreck, this dog gives his all. He once belly-flopped into a kiddie pool with so much flair, I half expected applause from the neighbors.
Chase scenes? Oh, you bet. He’s chased squirrels, leaves, the mailman, and once even his own tail for a solid five minutes straight. The commitment is unreal. You call it chaos—I call it stunt training.
He’s also perfected the art of the slow-motion run. You know, the kind where his ears flop in the breeze and his tongue lolls out of the side of his mouth like he’s running toward destiny. Bonus points if it’s during golden hour. I’ve got enough footage for a movie trailer.
So, if Hollywood needs a four-legged action hero, look no further. He’s got the athleticism of a parkour expert, the heart of a lion, and the ego of someone who knows he’s the main character. Treats are his payment. Belly rubs are his bonus. And he refuses to work without an audience, preferably clapping and cheering him on.
Anyone hiring a stunt dog?
Because mine is already practicing his next big stunt: leaping from the couch to the kitchen table to snag a sandwich in mid-air.
