My Dog Printed 5,000 Selfies and Decorated the House 😳
I never thought I’d start a story with this sentence, but here goes: my dog printed 5,000 selfies and decorated the entire house with them. Yes, you read that correctly. My golden retriever, Max, somehow took control of my printer, printed thousands of photos of himself, and turned my home into a museum of Max.
It all started innocently enough. Max is an unusually clever dog. He knows how to open the fridge (which is a story for another time), he understands how to unlock my phone with Face ID, and, apparently, he’s been watching me use my printer long enough to figure that out too.
One afternoon, I came home from work to find the floor covered in sheets of paper. At first, I thought I’d left the printer running by mistake. But when I picked up the papers, my jaw dropped. They were all pictures of Max — close-ups, tongue-out shots, glamour lighting from the window, some with filters I swear I didn’t install. It looked like a doggy photoshoot gone wild.
I walked further into the house and gasped. Max had gone full Martha Stewart. Selfies were taped to the walls, stuck on the windows, pasted onto the kitchen cabinets, and arranged in a mosaic on the ceiling. One bathroom mirror was entirely covered with photos of Max looking at himself. It was like he built a shrine — to himself.
How did this happen?
I checked my phone, and sure enough, the camera roll was flooded with selfies Max must’ve taken using the voice-activated camera app. He must’ve barked the trigger word (which, thanks to my terrible naming habits, was “Treat!”) about 5,000 times while I was gone. Even worse, I had my phone set to auto-sync with my cloud printer. It turns out Max had discovered that if he barked “Treat!” loud enough while facing the camera, a new picture would be taken — and then printed. Automatically.
I looked at Max, who sat proudly in the center of the living room, surrounded by thousands of his own photos. His tail wagged like he had just solved a world crisis. Honestly, he looked a little smug. If he had opposable thumbs, I swear he would’ve handed me a business card that said “Interior Designer – Specializing in Self-Portraits.”
I called my friend Emma to come see the madness. She showed up and burst out laughing the second she stepped in. “He looks like he’s running for president of the house,” she said. “Vote Max: A Selfie in Every Room.”
It took me four hours and an entire roll of recycling bags to clean up the mess. Max watched the whole time, tail swishing, occasionally picking up one of his selfies in his mouth and trying to redecorate. I had to hide the printer and disconnect it from the cloud. The selfie session was officially over.
Now, Max is banned from using my phone. I’ve changed the voice command for the camera app to something he definitely can’t say — “Quantum Physics.” Still, every now and then I catch him eyeing the printer or pawing at the phone.
So if your dog ever seems too quiet, too observant, or shows an unusual interest in technology… check your camera roll. You might come home to a few thousand selfies and a dog who believes he’s the next big influencer.